Some questions and a prayer...

Sometimes i wonder, why do i never have a PROBLEM with him? I have a problem with all my friends. Why do i never fight with him? Why do i feel so secure and complete in his friendship? And the answer pops up... Because I don't have any expectations from him. I feel he is good enough.

Then a question arises, why do I not expect anything from him? It's not wrong to expect a few things from him. My ponderance takes me to another answer... because I feel he does everything he can... He's there when I need him...

Now the question is, Why do i need him? Why do I prefer him to my other friends? Hmmm... Simple! Firstly, because I'm me when I am with him... Secondly, he likes me the way i am... and lastly, because I feel i wouldn't want anything more than talking and listening to him...

I pray to God, give me a day less to live than him, so that i wouldn't feel the pain of missing him... But if loves me more than I love him, give him one day less than me, so that he wouldn't grieve my absence...

Finding a meaning...

I don't intend to have an affair with him... Because i know it will last shorter... He'll never understand the depth with which i love him... For me, loving him is seeing him happy and not expecting anything in return...

Whenever I think of us together, I expect a much mature love from him... maybe like my parents have in between them... I see myself feeding him while he is working... I see myself crying out to him when I'm in trouble... I see myself encouraging him when he has faced failure... I see us having arguments over silly things...

The friendship we have is going so smoothly (touch wood)... that i sometimes think I'm crazy to think beyond limits... But, I didn't decide to fall for him... I just tripped...

I hope i get what's destined for me... If this is infatuation, good that I have and can have control on myself... If it's love, maybe something will brew up in the future... But, it's a no-no for an affair right now...

If I don't tell you now

I kept it inside
For the longest time
And I can't keep keeping it
All this love that's
Inside of my heart
Maybe it's safer not
To say that I care
Maybe this road won't
Lead me anywhere

But if I don't tell you now
I may never get
The chance again
To tell you that
I need you, tell you
What I'm feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don't
Say the words
How will you hear
What's inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don't tell you now

I'd do anything to
Be in your dreams
And I can't stand
Standing by
With this dream
That's inside my heart
Maybe I'm only gonna
Make a mistake
And there's a chance
Maybe my heart will break

How will you know
You're inside my soul
Oh it's driving me crazy
'Cause you don't see,
You're the world to me
I'm so afraid to see
The way that
I feel for you

Oh oh
If I don't tell you now

I'll never not need you

I may not need to sail the ocean
I've got no need to climb a mountain high
But there'll be no time I won't need you by my side
You can depend on my love forever
You can be sure baby, sure baby..
I'll never not want you.. (never not care)
Never not need to always be there
No I'll never stop
Loving you the way that I do
No matter what you'll do
I'll never not want you sharing my life
Never not need to feel your touch at night
No there's one thing I'll never not do
I'll never not need you..
Never not need you baby

I don't want no one else's kisses
I'll never hunger for another's touch
And there'll be no one else this heart will ever love
You can be sure I am your forever
'Cause you are my world baby,
World baby..

I don't need the whole world at my feet
But I will always need you loving me
You're just so much a part of me
I'll stop breathing before I'll ever stop
Needing you..

How did I fall in love with you

Remember when, we never needed each other
The best of friends like
Sister and Brother
We understood, we'd never be,
Alone

Those days are gone, and I want you so much
The night is long and I need your touch
Don't know what to say
I never meant to feel this way
Don't want to be
Alone tonight

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

I hear your voice
And I start to tremble
Brings back the child that, I resemble

I cannot pretend, that we can still be friends
Don't want to be,
Alone tonight

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

Oh I want to say this right
And it has to be tonight
Just need you to know, oh yeah

I don't want to live this life
I don't want to say goodbye
With you I wanna spend
The rest of my life

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

What can I do, to make you mine
Falling so hard so fast this time
Everything's changed, we never knew

How did I fall,
in love ,
with you?

Why do I love him so much?

Why do I love him so much even though I know he can never be mine?

Do I love him because I am attracted to him? Or is it because his touch makes me go beresek? Is it his smile? Is it his eyes? Is it the twinkle on his face? Is it the way he talks? But, what so special about these things? Why are these eyes and smiles special when most people have similar ones? Is it because I adore him that I admire every little thing about him?

Is it a spark that keeps us going together? Or is it just my imagination? Why do I need him even though I don't want to want him? Why do I dream about him so much? Why I dream of our togetherness so much?

Why do i help him with another girl when I wish she had never entered his life? Why do i show so much interest in what happens with them even though thinking about it makes me go wild? And I ask myself, even after having such feelings, why do I half wish they remain together? Is it because i know i ain't made for him? Is it because he is happy this way? Does this have anything to do with the impossibility of us being together?

Why do long so much to glimpse his smile, his glance? Why do I spend each moment with him like it is eternity? Why do I think it was just a brief moment when it's time to say goodbye? Why do I want us together, alone, forever?

Why do I love to talk with him? Why do I love to walk with him? Why do I feel unnerved when my hand accidentally goes into his? Why do I crave for him so much? Why do I have this crazy desire to drown in his eyes when he looks at me?

Is it just an illusion that I think he loves me too? Not much, but little? How I wish he's love me though he'd never admit? How I wish him admitting that? Wouldn't that be the most wonderful moment of my life?

Why do i want him to hold my hands tightly? Why do I want him to hold my face in his hands and give me assurance that he know how much I love him? Why do I want to feel his breathe against my hair, my neck, my ears? Why do I want him to be there when a trickle runs down my cheek? Why do i want him to admire me for being by him always?

Why do I want to hide my feeling from him? Why do i still want him to understand how badly I need him? Why do I fear telling him my feelings? Is it because i know he'll reject me? Because I ain't beautiful? Is it because I'll lose my best friend who I love beyond his expectations and my explanations? Why the fuck do I love him so much???

Changes...

The relation we had and now have is different...

We meet frequently. Just the two of us... We talk for long hours... We know a lot about each other now...

I feel some alterations in him... He has become a bit soft for me... Maybe, it's because i have been nice to him all along... Maybe, because he can talk out things with me... his dreams... his silly thoughts... his phobias and manias...

I never thought I would be so crazy about someone... But this relation has taken an unexpected turn... Probably, the additional feelings from his side have me desiring him more and more each passing day...

Sometimes, i feel helpless not expressing myself... I can't stand standing by... dreaming I were his only dream... wishing i were his only wish...

Changes in me too... I don't feel obnoxious about his mingling with females... Not that I ain't possessive... just that I am happy with whatever is going on... If fate has it, he'd love me back... else, no one can help it...

Dreams about me...

He loves me as much as I love him...

We are laughing so hard, my face hurts...

We are having a candle light dinner by the lake...

We are getting wet in the rain... dancing like mad...

We are going for a long drive on a pretty road...

Lying in the bed listening tot he rain clattering... they are airing romantic songs on the radio...

The sweat shirt that he fancies so much is on sale... His birthday is near...

Sharing vanilla milkshake at midnight, some isolated beach... and walking hand in hand along the shore...

Long distance missed calls... when he's out of town...

Running his fingers through my hair... telling me how beautiful i look after a shower...

I wake up... look at the clock... still time to wake up... cuddle beside him like a baby...

He gifts me a new born pup for Valentine's day...

Singing duets together... Sensing the meaning in the words... Recording it in our voices...

Seeing a good movie together...

A special glance and a wink through a crowd...

Playing a sport we both love...

Sitting by a river side... silently observing the nature...

Riding the best roller coaster ride together...

Waking up on a cold day and watching the sun rise, wrapped in one blanket...

the hold of his hand on mine when a trickle runs down my face...

wearing his old jeans and finding a 100 rupee note when i spot my favorite pani puri wala...