Why do I love him so much?

Why do I love him so much even though I know he can never be mine?

Do I love him because I am attracted to him? Or is it because his touch makes me go beresek? Is it his smile? Is it his eyes? Is it the twinkle on his face? Is it the way he talks? But, what so special about these things? Why are these eyes and smiles special when most people have similar ones? Is it because I adore him that I admire every little thing about him?

Is it a spark that keeps us going together? Or is it just my imagination? Why do I need him even though I don't want to want him? Why do I dream about him so much? Why I dream of our togetherness so much?

Why do i help him with another girl when I wish she had never entered his life? Why do i show so much interest in what happens with them even though thinking about it makes me go wild? And I ask myself, even after having such feelings, why do I half wish they remain together? Is it because i know i ain't made for him? Is it because he is happy this way? Does this have anything to do with the impossibility of us being together?

Why do long so much to glimpse his smile, his glance? Why do I spend each moment with him like it is eternity? Why do I think it was just a brief moment when it's time to say goodbye? Why do I want us together, alone, forever?

Why do I love to talk with him? Why do I love to walk with him? Why do I feel unnerved when my hand accidentally goes into his? Why do I crave for him so much? Why do I have this crazy desire to drown in his eyes when he looks at me?

Is it just an illusion that I think he loves me too? Not much, but little? How I wish he's love me though he'd never admit? How I wish him admitting that? Wouldn't that be the most wonderful moment of my life?

Why do i want him to hold my hands tightly? Why do I want him to hold my face in his hands and give me assurance that he know how much I love him? Why do I want to feel his breathe against my hair, my neck, my ears? Why do I want him to be there when a trickle runs down my cheek? Why do i want him to admire me for being by him always?

Why do I want to hide my feeling from him? Why do i still want him to understand how badly I need him? Why do I fear telling him my feelings? Is it because i know he'll reject me? Because I ain't beautiful? Is it because I'll lose my best friend who I love beyond his expectations and my explanations? Why the fuck do I love him so much???